Humility – Strengthens personal bonds

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

Robert Quillen

If humility is a key to bridging divergent groups in the public sphere, it is a virtue with even greater power to strengthen interpersonal bonds. I would rank humility among the essential virtues for establishing, building and strengthening personal relationships. Whether it is between spouses, parents and children, siblings, friends, or neighbors, practicing humility will help build healthy and enduring relationships.

In practice, humility manifests itself in empathetic listening, forgiving and seeking forgiveness, and putting the needs and comfort of another ahead of our own. I am confident that there would be much less divorce, estrangement, and heartache in the world if we could reduce pride and its many manifestations: the need to be right, the desire the put down another to elevate oneself, the need to be heard rather than to hear, and the bearing of grudges. The antidote for pride is humility.

Empathetic listening is an honest effort to understand each other’s point of view. It will draw two people closer together. Seeking to understand another individual and investing yourself in them through selfless service and sacrifice is a recipe for love. Empathy, love, and compassion are natural byproducts of humility.

Not only is humility foundational to healthy interpersonal relationships, it can also significantly contribute to inner peace and contentment. My experience indicates that nothing embitters the soul more than retaining grudges and resentment. When bad things inevitably happen to us, whether caused by another individual’s overt action or just the happenstance of life, we have a choice to make. We can respond in anger and bitterness or we can choose to be forgiving and to move through and beyond the difficulty. Left unchecked, the angry and resentful response will only lead to a bitter and cankered soul. Forgiveness, on the other hand, frees us from negative emotions and leads to inner peace and serenity.

This is not to say that we allow others to take advantage of us. We have a right to be safe — a right to be free from a toxic and abusive relationship. But as hard as it is, we can forgive, while placing a safe distance between ourselves and those that will do us physical, emotional, or spiritual harm. Doing anything less will only allow the hurt in the past to linger and continue to weigh us down.

Seeking a happy relationship? Be humble. Be patient. Be forgiving.

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